I have had several discussions (in person & online) where people choose to have unprotected sex. People justified their decision for unprotected sex for many reasons:
- I’m married
- I’m in a committed relationship
- It’s only oral sex
- I am positive already
- I hate condoms/dental dams
- Condoms don’t fit me well
- I’m allergic to condoms
- I was drunk/high
Regardless of the above reasons or any other reason — having vaginal, anal, & oral sex without a condom, female condom, dental dam, or latex barrier places you at risk for HIV and STIs.
If we are truly honest with ourselves, we have all been there. Quite frankly, I don’t know anyone who uses a latex barrier for oral sex. And I am sure that as you look around at friends, partners and even your own behavior you will see many people aren’t protected during oral sex and others aren’t using protection with vaginal and anal sex.
Telling people you must wear a condom does not guarantee that they will wear a condom. So when I discuss this subject, I share that protection is a choice. Realize that the choice you make has consequences. If you become HIV positive after choosing to have unprotected vaginal, anal and/or oral sex — do not blame anyone in the process because you made that choice to be intimate and unprotected.
The blame and stigmatization of down low (DL) men as carriers of HIV and infecting women is extremely misleading. Think about what I just said about choice. EVERYONE has the option of using a condom, female condom, or latex barrier. If you choose not to protect yourself and find out later that you partner is positive and you test positive — remember you had an opportunity to protect yourself.
I encourage everyone to be responsible and empower themselves in utilizing condoms, female condoms, dental dams, and other latex barriers. HIV/AIDS is very real within all of our communities. Only you can reduce your risk factors — no one else.
Please share your thoughts.
